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Communication Principle from MSM
If you find yourself constantly interrupting your partner, comparing him unfavorably to others, or criticizing and insulting him, you like many women, are stuck in a pattern that is devastating to intimate relationships. Insult, comparison and criticism lead to defensive behavior and feelings of castration in men.
Consider this scenario:
You and your partner have planned a romantic evening together for weeks. You enjoy a wonderful candlelit meal together and retire to your bedroom.
After a yummy kiss, your partner offers to massage your back and you lie down expectantly. He begins rubbing your back but his touch is lighter than you like. You are beginning to feel irritated. In a critical tone of voice, you tell him, "You aren't rubbing hard enough!"
He immediately pulls back and turns away. You have criticized him and he feels castrated. The romantic evening that you both looked forward to swiftly spirals downwards.
Rather than being harsh and demanding, there is a way to communicate that will give you the results you want from any human being, and in particular, your man. It's called the Training Cycle* and it is an exercise consisting of the following three parts:
1. Find something (anything!) you really appreciate about him or his actions.
In other words, find him right.
2. Give your man a problem, one problem, to solve.
3. Acknowledge him when he accomplishes it or even takes a step toward accomplishing it.
Here's an example of how the training cycle might have been utilized to have the romantic scenario end up spiralling up instead of down:
1. Honey, I really love that you're massaging me.
2. Would you please touch me a little bit harder?
3. Oh, that feels great, thanks!
Repeat all three steps, making new requests (giving new problems for him to solve) each time, until you are completely satisfied. As you practice the training cycle with your partner, your friends, your kids or colleagues, this exercise will eventually become second nature. The Training Cycle is only one of the pleasurable and effective communication styles that will be presented in "Men, Sex and Money®".
*with permission from Vic Baranco and the Institute of Human Abilities
Sex Principle from MSM
What if you could transform your feelings of jealousy into positive, powerful sexual energy?
According to The Grolier International Dictionary, the word jealousy means, "to be suspicious, apprehensive of rivalry, perhaps with resentful envy."
Most of us have experienced jealousy in our relationships. When feelings of jealousy arise, we have feel victimized by them. Jealousy can make us feel separate and excluded from the one we love.
Consider this scenario:
You are with your partner at a party. He or she goes to the bar to get drinks. A moment later, you glance over at the bar and see your partner interacting with an attractive man or woman. They are both animated and seem to be enjoying each other.
Your partner finally returns, looking flustered, and saying nothing about the interaction. You know you have caught him or her flirting. You ask your partner about the attraction but they deny it. You feel excluded. You feel hurt. The rest of the evening is down hill. When you get home you reject your partner sexually and the evening ends in an argument.
If something like this has happened to you, you are not alone. Jealousy is rooted in the desire to possess another. Even though the U.S. Constitution has outlawed human possession, we all have fallen victims of our jealousy.
According to Victor Baranco, founder of The Institute of Human Abilities, there are two essential elements of the negative kind of jealousy we're all familiar with . They are turn-on and exclusion.
JEALOUSY = TURN-ON + EXCLUSION
Consider the last scenario with the following changes:
When your partner returns after flirting with someone else, you say, "WOW, I saw you flirting with so and so. You looked pretty hot together." Your partner pulls you close to him or her, you have a hot dance together and leave the party early to go home and have great sex.
You have taken 'exclusion' out of the equation, and have included yourself in the energy generated by the hot encounter. NOW you can use the turn-on for your own pleasure. You are no longer jealousy's victim. You are its master.
NOW JEALOUSY = TURN-ON
In Men, Sex, and Money, participants explore jealousy and learn how they can enjoy and have fun with it when it arises. This exploration has allowed many of us to have fun with jealousy and to use its energy to enhance our sexual relationships.
Money Principle from MSM
If you've answered yes to at least five of these questions about money, consider that you may be suffering from terminal vagueness. With respect to finances, vagueness is terminal. The only cure is clarity.
In our culture, we tend to avoid our money issues. Most of us grew up in households in which the topic of money was never discussed.
In Men, Sex, and Money®, we explore the attitudes we have about money and how they are affecting our lives today. Here is something you can do now to end your own terminal vagueness and become more empowered financially.
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Create a Basic Spending Plan.
When you consider the categories included in your basic spending plan, the key word is basic! Individual values differ greatly, so what one of you may consider basic may seem like a luxury to another. Keep in mind, this is your spending plan.
Here are a few category suggestions:
- Rent/mortgage
- Utilities
- Vehicle and all associated expenses (gas, maintenance, registration, bridge tolls, parking)
- Groceries
- Dinners and lunches out
- Coffee/snacks
- Household expenses
- Selfcare including clothing, grooming in general
- Healthcare including insurance, prescriptions, exercise, eyecare, dental, etc.
- Supplements (yes, vitamins need their own category!)
- Estimated taxes
- Other
In addition to your checkbook and credit card statements, consider getting a small notebook in which you keep daily spending records. After three months, add up everything that you've spent in all the categories and then divide by three. This number is the average amount you need each month.
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Ideal Spending Plan
Now that you have your Basic Spending Plan, think about what an Ideal Spending Plan might look like. Here are a few categories for you to consider adding to your basic plan:
- Savings
- Investments
- Vacations
- Seminars
- Major purchases (i.e. new car, furniture, second home)
- Personal trainer
- Enhanced self care (i.e. regular facials and massages)
- Donations (what organizations would you truly like to support and at what level?)
- Elective surgery
- Don't limit yourself!
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